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[personal profile] canaa
I have never before been so exhausted in my life. My sick cat seems to be doing okay, but I am not, because he won't let me sleep. The longest period of sleep I've had in the last week and a half is the five hours I got yesterday evening when I locked him out of the bedroom and passed out despite his yelling because I was finally too exhausted for it to keep me awake.

He's used to having the run of the house, and he doesn't appreciate being stuck here in the basement with me. He's also used to having a lot more company - two dogs he loves, and several more cats, most of whom he raised from kittens as their substitute mama. He'd be much happier upstairs. Mom's paranoid, however, that he'll fall through the stairs due to his blindness, so he's in the basement apartment with me and my Abby cat.

And if he's in the room with me, he will not let me sleep longer than three hours; he'll wake me up. If he can't be in the room with me, he cries the entire time, which is enough to keep me awake. Making it worse, I have sinus issues that make it so that when I wake up, I can't go back to sleep for a while.

I've had a couple naps here and there, but basically, since the 28th of last month, I've been operating on 3-4 hours of sleep per day, on average. I used to do this all the time when I was younger, but I am 29 now and have uncontrolled depression; I need more sleep than when I was younger and was actually on medication. This isn't just me being tired anymore - it's also affecting my mental state. I haven't thought this much about self-harm in over a year, among other problems that are cropping up.

I'm very glad my cat is alive. I love him very much, he's my sweetie. But he's also destroying my already-tenuous sanity right now. If something doesn't change so that I can get some decent sleep, I am going to have a breakdown.
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June 2013

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