canaa: (Default)
Having a moment where I just want to delete my entire presence off the internet and never leave my room again or talk to anyone ever again because I'm a bother and an annoyance and probably make people feel irritated and uneasy simply by my existing.

Naturally, this started because I'm trying to find a guild to join in GW2 for company while I play. Entering new social situations is pretty much guaranteed to give me a breakdown unless I already know some of the people and can be fairly confident they want me around.

Ah, well. I'll recover. I probably won't end up joining a guild, though. Haha. |D;
canaa: (why should the world be overwise)
Just occurred to me that I haven't updated here in... quite a while. Since February? My cat who was ill at the time has since more-or-less made a full recovery - even his eyesight has returned, thank god. The day he started chasing a laser pointer I could not stop smiling.

So he's mostly upstairs again; he and my Abby get on all right, but his brother is up there, and his dogs and his other feline friends.

Unfortunately, while he's doing better, we lost our oldest cat to kidney failure a little over two months ago.

Other than that? Well... I've started playing Guild Wars 2, because I can't afford to keep my WoW account going, and GW2 is Buy to Play. I don't need to spend another cent on it now, as long as I can resist the lure of cash shop shinies. >_>

Not much else to update on, really, unless you're all desperate to hear about the Saga of the Toe Infection. But really. It's toes. They're not cute like a kitty, so I think I'll spare you. No one wants to hear about my toes. XD

Cat update

Jan. 30th, 2013 05:56 pm
canaa: (Default)
Since that last post, my cat has made a pretty good recovery. He's no longer having seizures, and can eat and drink on his own. He's still completely blind, unfortunately.

Our regular vet took his glucose curves on Monday, and without any insulin shots, his blood glucose never went into dangerous levels, even shortly after eating, so it seems his body has adjusted and requires nothing more than a good, high-protein, low-carb diet now. (Possibly. We're to keep an eye on him and see if he goes slowly out of whack again and call her if we see signs he's deteriorating.)

So, it's possible that the spark for the problem was hypoglycemia caused by his regular insulin dose. The vet isn't 100% certain whether the hypoglycemia was the entire problem, or whether there's something underlying that was triggered/made worse by the hypoglycemia. We're to keep our eyes out for more seizures, too.

But, in the meantime, I still have my kitty, and he seems pretty content. I don't know how long that will last - hours and hours of seizures followed by a couple days of intermittent seizures and not enough food or water had to have been hard on his body - but that's then, this is now.

Cat woes

Jan. 26th, 2013 08:58 pm
canaa: (Default)
My cat Misto, who I've had since I was fifteen (that's 14 years - almost half my life to this point) was diagnosed with diabetes this past summer. At the time, he spent most of his days near-catatonic. We kept him in a room with an easy-to-clean floor because he couldn't make it to the catbox. Since then, with insulin and a special home-made diet, he's been almost an entirely different cat. He's had energy, been happy, purred, climbed on laps, cuddled in bed at night. He mothered the new kitten we brought home, and resumed his habit of grooming all the other cats that had been interrupted when his health nosedived.

Unfortunately, that is over now. Last night, Misto had some sort of attack - we aren't certain if it was prompted by low blood sugar, high blood sugar, a brain tumor, or a stroke; the end result is that he's blind, unable to eat or drink on his own, and regularly having seizures. I sat with him for seven and a half hours through the night, uncertain if he was even going to survive, until mom got up to relieve me and take him to the vet once they opened.

The vet thinks it's most likely a brain tumour. Insulin seems to make him worse; we're on vet orders to reduce him from six units a day to one a day. But it's not all from the insulin, and if he can't eat except via us putting liquefied food down his throat with a syringe, and can't have insulin, despite still having high blood sugar from his diabetes...

We're going to see if there's any improvement by Monday, and take him to our usual vet. If he hasn't improved, we're going to have to have him put to sleep.

Tonight, he's in the big dog crate, and I am regularly getting liquids into him. His seizures have reduced, but he still has them on occasion, so I can't even hold him - when he has one, he bites whoever is holding him, uncontrollably. Thankfully, he seems to be able to avoid biting his own tongue.

He seems to be in less pain than last night, and we have a few doses of Valium from the vet to give him if he seems especially bad.

Losing pets is always horrible, but this kind of thing is the worst. I feel useless, and helpless, and it hurts so much.
canaa: (Default)
My kitty Misto has been diagnosed with diabetes; I'm freaking terrified about giving him his shots. I hate needles, and I'm scared that I'll hurt him on accident. Ugh.

We also need to change how we feed our cats, because we can't give him regular cat food - too much carbohydrates. Mom's considering going to a home-cooked diet. I've done some research on it, we'll see how she feels about what I dug up. :p I have little doubt it'll be "too much work."

But at least she's giving him a chance. I fully expected her to just have him put to sleep . . . now all I have to do is try to figure out how to give my cat insulin when just looking at pictures of people giving their cats shots on sites explaining how to do it makes me want to scream.

I hate needles.
canaa: (and mouth with myriad subtleties)
Still shell-shocked from finding out yesterday that I got straight 4.0s for the second quarter in a row.

I honestly cannot believe this. Tuesday is when grades are officially released, and I'm fully expecting them to be like "PSYCH!! actually you got a 3.whatever" I just. I am utterly boggled. I cannot comprehend me doing that well in school, consistently.

I'd wonder if I were bribing my teachers in my sleep, except I know I don't have the kind of money it would take . . .
canaa: (why should the world be overwise)
straight 4.0s

what

how

Grades

Dec. 19th, 2011 02:35 am
canaa: (Default)
My poetry teacher continues to be a total slacker, so I still don't know what I have in there, but this quarter I came away from Spanish and Music Appreciation with 4.0s. In each. Yes.

That means that in one quarter I have tripled the number of perfect grades I've received at the college level. Which, okay, Music Appreciation, not the most difficult course, especially for someone with twenty-three years of music playing music on one instrument or another under their belt. I'm more boggled that I got a 4.0 in a foreign language. I mean, it's just Spanish, which is not the world's most challenging language or anything, but still.

(And yet I still can't use the past tense, or talk about . . . pretty much anything but the weather and what I like to do and how I'm feeling and what my name is and where I live. :|a We only covered six chapters this quarter. And really, we only did half of chapter six.)

Next quarter I'm taking another quarter of Spanish, a World Prehistory course (I'm really looking forward to this! I love anthropology, and the anthro professor at my college is awesome, he's a great teacher), and "Communication Studies", which used to be Journalism 101 and gets to be a fancier name now and cover blogging as well as newspapers. (I assume, anyways.)
canaa: (and mouth with myriad subtleties)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

As I saw somewhere else, "Any that will win me a $50 Amazon gift card."

. . . no, but really, I wouldn't call what I do celebrating so much as "anticipating and dreading in equal amounts." I'm not religious, so my celebrations, such as they are, are entirely secular. My family is Christian, so of course, when I celebrate with them, it's a celebration of Christmas in the Christian sense, but my own personal feelings and attitudes towards the celebration are based differently from theirs.

And of course I look forward to receiving presents. I already know that this year, I'm going to receive Skyrim, which is something I'm anticipating. But it's also a bit painful that I can't give much, since I'm extremely broke; I currently have about $200 to my name, if that, which is already earmarked for books for next quarter. Broke college student, that's me.

Now, I've been the sole gift-giver in my family before, during a particularly hard Christmas where I was the only one with any real disposable cash, and now it's my turn to be the one with very little money, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty for this year. So that's part of the dreading.

The other part, however, comes from the fact that I am the child of alcoholics. Growing up, holidays were an excuse for my father to start drinking early and achieve new heights of inebriation; my mother, a recovering alcoholic and codependent, was often sullen and withdrawn, upset over having to do so much by herself (because god forbid my father help, and we children were a bit young to cook a turkey) and reacting in a typical passive-aggressive manner that I and my sister learned to imitate. Family times, difficult enough ordinarily, became excruciating.

Even now, holidays are difficult for my entire family; my father is no longer part of the picture, but that doesn't alleviate years of training that holidays exist to be berated on; that along with gifts under the tree, or presented on birthdays, come gifts of verbal abuse. That heaping helpings of turkey and mashed potatoes are garnished with liberal doses of scorn and insults.

The dread of holidays is getting better over time, which is something to celebrate in and of itself. The longer we're free of my father's poisonous influence, the more we all improve. This year will be the first time we celebrate Christmas with my new stepfather; my mother has been able to move on, put my father behind her, and trust again, which is a fantastic step. She's been so much happier!

And this year, that's what it's all about. The changes that this Christmas will be seeing, the progress we've all made. I'm back in school again and getting straight As this quarter, and I'm struggling a little but working through it instead accepting failure as natural to me and curling up in a little ball of self-hatred the way my father trained me to do. My sister and her husband bought their own home this year, a milestone they weren't sure they were going to manage so soon.

These are the things that I'm celebrating.this year. This is my 'holiday'. I'll be doing it on the 25th with my family, because that's when they celebrate their holiday, and that's okay.

Though I have to say, I wouldn't mind if they wanted to celebrate a little earlier. Want Skyrim nao plz.
(Can you tell I've been writing essays for school? I wasn't even trying, and I laid this out like an essay.)
canaa: (Default)
Okay, this has some amazing words.

(My results: 40,100)

It's obviously not a precise measurement - it guesses based on the words you do know that they suggest, but it's entertaining nonetheless.
canaa: (we wear the mask)
OKAY. Gosh, do you have any idea how hard maintaining radio silence on this has been? [livejournal.com profile] fistingthing is miiiine and, btw, I adore Dragon Age II and Fenris. And have written several fics which I couldn't post here because there's CFUD people on my flist and I didn't want to tip my app hand too obviously.

They're up on my AO3 page, so I'll just link there:

Changing Boundaries
Pairing: Fenris/Male!Mage!Hawke
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Some spoilers for DAII? Male/male sex

Driven (Thinking Of You)
Pairing: Fenris/Female!Mage!Hawke, Fenris/his hand
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: male/female sexual fantasy, minor spoilers for Fenris' romance

Pledge
Pairing: Fenris/Male!Rogue!Hawke
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Spoilers for Act II of DAII

. . . like I said, I adore Fenris. XD
canaa: (and mouth with myriad subtleties)
The last time I did one of these was years ago, and my view of myself has shifted in several ways, so here's a new one: Johari | Nohari It's kind of funny, in a sad way, how hard it was to pick just six words on the Nohari, even though I'm 100x happier than I used to be and I can honestly say that I no longer hate myself. (So, for the record, a lot of the negative things that are gonna show up in my blind spot are actually my arena, it just wouldn't let me take them all. :p)

In actual news, I got a 100% on my first Biological Anthropology test, a 97% on my first Introduction to Sociology test, and an A- (not sure about exact %) on my first U.S. History test. Despite having obtained a new videogame just before the quarter started and having been obsessing over it for the last month. And a girl in sociology asked me to tutor her in it - apparently, the professor suggested me. Apparently, I could get paid for it, too. :|a Okay, sure. It won't even eat up any of my day that isn't already spent at the college, since she and I both have the hour between our anthropology and sociology classes free. Not sure how good I'll do at tutoring, but hey, I can try?
canaa: (and mouth with myriad subtleties)
Watching The Sentinel.

Seriously. Jim and Blair. How are they not canon? I mean . . . seriously. I am not 100% sure, but I do not think I have ever seen a more slashy show.

(Not including Torchwood, because Torchwood doesn't count since it's bloody well text. Text in capslock. And 72-point bold, blinking typeface. Possibly done up in a scrolling marquee to boot.)
canaa: (Default)
For some reason, when I started this fic, I thought it was going to be short. Maybe 2k words, tops.

Four thousand words later . . .

Title: And It Seems Right And I Feel (Safe)
Fandom: Blood-Smoke Series
Pairing/characters: Henry Fitzroy/Tony Foster
Warnings: NSFW, blood drinking
Summary: Post-Blood Price, Tony isn't going to feel safe again until he manages to get Henry alone for a talk.

And It Seems Right And I Feel (Safe) )
canaa: (Default)
So last night I learned that my real name is, in addition to being a word in Spanish and Italian like I've known forever, it's also a word in Finnish. Whay does it mean?

Hi, my name is Tonsil, nice to meet you.

This amuses me so, so much.

And now it's time for the embarrassing day: Day 10 - A song that no one would expect you to love

Yeah, okay, so I like Lady GaGa's "Bad Romance." Shut up.

YouTube link
Not providing a download link for this one because it's popular enough that I don't want my Mediafire account getting swarmed by downloads. x_x

The rest of the days )
canaa: (Default)
Oh, and a minor note: starting with the beginning of this year on out, I'm un-friendslocking my journal posts. I think I've gotten past the issues that made me lock my journal down, but since I do have a few entries that I don't want to share publically, I won't be mass unlocking my entire journal.

That is all, carry on. o/
canaa: (and mouth with myriad subtleties)
So today after my math test, as I'm walking past a row of classrooms, a couple of boys walk out of the room I'm passing and stop abruptly. And I hear one whisper to the other, "Damn, she's hot!"

Oh, hello ego. Haven't seen you in a while. :3
canaa: (Default)
The pronunciation/accent/regionalisms meme:

Your name and/or username:
Where you're from:
The following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught, Orange, Coffee, direction, naturally, aluminum and herbs

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?




This was pretty fun. :|a Interesting to compare mine to [livejournal.com profile] vaultedthewall, who grew up not so far away from where I did.
canaa: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] cpip asked me five questions! If you want to be asked questions, comment here and I'll ask your five. :)

Cut because this got a little long! )
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